The 36-Year-Old Virgin
Published: August 19, 2009
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Despite its rave reviews, allegedly honest and non-mocking portrayal of the title character, and successful display of the "triumph of the human spirit" (whatever that is), I'm not about to get excited about a film that frames its main character in such a way that suggests being a 40-year-old virgin represents some sort of inherent problem. The film's tag line, "Better late than never" begs for some tangential statements. Granted, around about 39-years of age, I was probably AC Green's biggest cheerleader. But not because I thought something was wrong with him. I just wanted the man to get his due. With his wife, that is.
Lakita Garth
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The concept of abstinence is finally gaining back some momentum in our society, but the concept of adult virginity is seen as downright peculiar. In a society that trivializes sex almost every chance it gets, a film with such a title can’t possibly be taken as a nod to the chaste. I’ve had my fair share of discussions with people who couldn’t even conceptualize “not having sex.” I look at some of my guy friends who are virgins (handsome ones too) and I feel like I’m looking at a rare and uncelebrated breed.
I first met Lakita Garth when I was around 13-years-old. At the time she was in her mid-twenties and stood before our youth group and boldly professed to us that she was a virgin. She then rattled off statistics on teenage sexual activity and STDs like it was the alphabet. The girl knew her stuff. Not only that, she was gorgeous. Not only that she was smart, educated, accomplished, and a woman of integrity. Her style was classy and feminine. She was modest but not matronly. As a short and insecure teenager with big feet and braces, I was completely in awe.
I probably heard Lakita speak in person around four times throughout my teenage years. Every time she opened her mouth, her message was consistent. I know there were many factors included in my making a decision to remain a virgin prior to marriage, but without a doubt, I can truly say that Lakita’s presence in my life gave me the confidence and the vision to make wise decisions for the future.
As an adult, I watched the former Miss Black California travel around the country speaking, testifying before congress, and regularly appearing on “Politically Incorrect” with Bill what-his-face. She always held her own amid a guest-line up vicious enough to make even a Bible-believing Christian cuss. And they do. I know some.
This all probably seems so insignificant to many, but the question I always ask people is, “What does a virgin look like?” If forced to concoct an image of purity, chances are you see “A young, white, girl.” Rarely do we envision a guy, and even more rarely do we envision a person of color. Strange the way that works isn’t it? Talk about rage against the machine.
Meanwhile, the collective representation of the “sexuality” of women of color can pretty much be summed up by flipping through a few beauty magazines, turning on the television, or going to the toy store (where you’ll find the self-improvement Bratz Dolls complete with big lips, big butts, and of course, LACE THONGS). In a world of bad representation, Lakita broke some major stereotypes in a very public way. She may never get credit for this, today and every day, I salute her for being a trailblazer.
So why all the nostalgia? Well, at age 36, Ms. Garth’s abstinence card was revoked in a major way. She was united in holy matrimony to Mr. Jeff Wright and I’m sure it was well worth the wait. I’m not a big fan of patting people on the back for virginity or abstinence. It doesn’t warrant applause or special recognition. But I am a big fan of celebrating the right way to do things so Lakita, get your freak on. And I mean that in the purest of ways.
Ambra Nykol is a columnist for the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, Soundpolitics.com, Seaspot magazine and Modestly Yours. She owns and blogs at nykola.com where she's been bothering people since 1981.
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